I don’t hate you, I’m just an introvert…

How familiar are you with the Myers Briggs personality types? As a psychology undergrad, I spent a lot of time studying personalities and took the Myers Briggs assessment at least a dozen times.  The results were always the same, I’m an INFP (Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceiving) all the way!  While most people fall somewhere in the middle ranges for the different personality traits, I’m strongly skewed towards the introverted end of the spectrum.  Being an extreme introvert, makes the likelihood of me suffering a meltdown from sensory and social overload very high if I’m not given my space and time to recharge.  Unfortunately, some of the people in my life don’t understand that and take my aloofness, not wanting to hang out and talk on the phone all the time, personally.  I recently had a extrovert/introvert clash that inspired me to write this post to set the record straight and try to help you bubbly extroverts understand us socially awkward (yet totally lovable!!! <3) introverted types!

 

introvertextrovert

Which one are you?

1. Getting time to “recharge” is not optional for me.

I’m not necessarily a shy person, so some people have a hard time believing that I am actually an introvert.  Yes, I will get on stage in the middle of a crowded bar and sing karaoke.  Yes, I will talk to a group of total strangers.  I’m not afraid of people and I don’t dislike people, quite the opposite!  It’s just that spending time around a lot of people or in noisy venues is mentally draining for me.  If I’m not given the time to retreat back into my own head, to “recharge” the batteries, I will start to get moody.  If I’m forced to stay “on” for too long, a total melt down may occur.  So when I ask for “me time”, please don’t take it personally! It’s for your own good just as much as it’s for mine!

restorealone

2. I really value my personal space and can be annoyed by unplanned company.

Plan on just “stopping by” for a visit? Yikes, please don’t!! My personal space is sacred to me and nothing will feel more intrusive!  Unless you catch me on a rare day, I’m probably going to be grumpy and frowning when I answer the door.  Again, not because I hate you, but because you probably interrupted me in the middle of  running on my treadmill, reading a book, blogging, or just laying on my couch staring at a wall pondering the meaning of life…Whatever it may be, it is something I deeply enjoy and have been looking forward to all day/week….Day dreaming about it even….while surrounded by people at work or a social gathering!

hamsterball

3. Going out on a work night is usually not happening.

If you invite me out for a happy hour, a concert, Tupperware party, *insert any non-solitary activity here* during the work week, there is a 99% chance I will decline. See #1, I need my time to recharge and my work days are spent in meetings or in my noisy, open floor plan office.  I enjoy my job, I’m just drained at the end of the day.  After 8 hours of being in social interaction mode, the idea of staying on for a few more hours is almost more than I can bear!  I usually go for a run or solo work-out at the end of  work day, then spend the rest of the evening vegging out.

sitinhouse

4.  I’m not angry, sad, stuck-up, ignoring you….I’m lost in my own world.

I don’t know how many times I’ve been asked if I’m O.K., been told I look mad, or been asked why I ignored someone when they said hello to me in the hallway…..Apparently one of the symptoms of my frequent daydreaming is chronic bitch face, and gives those who don’t know me the impression that I’m stuck up.  I never deliberately ignore anyone and most of the time I am totally O.K….I just tend to get lost in my own thoughts and can be oblivious to the world around me.

bitchface

5. It drives me crazy when people try to force me to talk.

I’m not good with small talk, and will usually not contribute to a conversation on a topic that doesn’t interest me.  For some reason, extroverts get very uncomfortable/worried/freaked out by an introverts quiet nature.   They assume something is wrong, or I am angry with them, or I’m plotting to take over the world….Muwhahahaha! I promise, I’m ok! My mind is a pretty interesting place and I am keeping myself entertained! And most of my thoughts are not diabolical in nature! 😉

introverts so mysterious

 

6. I don’t like talking on the phone.  

There are only three exceptions….I talk to my daughter, my mom, or my boyfriend on the phone all day! I’ll admit it, I’ve been guilty of ignoring a phone call, then responding with a text message.  Text messages, e-mail, Facebook, and blogs are an introverts best friends and my preferred modes of communication.  It allows me the time to think, ponder, and choose my words wisely (or try to) and time to get my thoughts out without having my train of thought interrupted (and lost).  There is nothing more tedious and anxiety provoking for me than talking on the phone, simply for the sake of talking.

phone calls

7. However, if you do get me started on a topic that interests me, I may never shut up.

I’m very obsessively, crazy, passionate about the things that I do like and will talk anyone’s ear off when engaged in a conversation that interests me.  I also like to talk to people about life in general; their passions, motivations, trials, and tribulations….and have a great, non-judgmental ear. (Hmmm….I wonder what a judgmental ear would look life?)  That’s why, if you can get past my quirky and sometimes moody introverted ways, I can really be a great friend!

awkward

So be patient with us introverts! We may not always be the easiest people to get along with, but if you take the time to understand and get to know us, I promise you it may be worth it!! Just let us have our space to recharge and explore our own minds from time to time and we’ll get along beautifully! 😉

audrey

 

Have you ever taken a personality test? What is your personality type? Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

http://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test

http://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-basics/

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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24 thoughts on “I don’t hate you, I’m just an introvert…

  1. My guess is I am the exact same type. I’m going to take one of the tests and see. I strongly relate to all of your points. Large crowds with little space always gets me very worked up. I HATE small talk and I am very comfortable with what other people consider “awkward” silence. I don’t like any surprise social events.

  2. I’m an introvert, and just like you’ve experienced, some people just don’t get it. I relate to everything you’ve said here!

    I’m an ISTJ – so I REALLY have chronic bitch face. The good thing is that my fiance is also an introvert, so asking for “me” time or “I” (introvert) time is totally encouraged. One thing that I have found is that we as introverts are able to do something we call “downtime” where we are both in our own little worlds in the same room, with no expectation of the other person paying attention to us. We love it.

    • I love “downtime”, my boyfriend and I do that all the time! Well sit on opposite ends of the coach, with a little foot cuddle action going on doing our own thing. It’s really nice to have company when there is no pressure to be completely engaged and talking the entire time. 😉 I know it makes us introverts sound like grumpy old hermits but alone time to decompress is so important!

  3. Ummmm let me just say it’s nice to meet you twinie haha lol. I just took one of the test that you have the link to and it just solidified what I already knew … I’m such an introvert

    • Yay! Another introvert! It doesn’t surprise me though….I’ve noticed a lot of distance runners are introverts….I’m sure it helps enjoying extended periods alone with your thoughts! Whenever I have my “extroverted” friends ask, “what do you think about the when you’re running that long? Don’t you get bored!?!” My answer is always “I’ve never run out of things to think about and no….” seems like a silly question to me! 😉

  4. Hello! First off, great blog! Love to follow your posts.

    I just had to comment on this one because I relate to literally every one of your points. I’ve long known I’m an introvert and I’ve always been interested in the psychology of personality. I took the Myers Briggs at work this year and it was interesting to see other parts of my personality besides the introversion – that I’m a planner, and a big picture thinker, and driven by feelings. So fascinating!

    It’s refreshing these days to see more cool people “coming out” as introverts. American society very much values extroverted traits over introverted, so we innies have grown up feeling like something is “wrong” with us because we’re not chatty cathys and people don’t understand that needing alone time does not equal being anti-social. Your title says it all: it’s so tiring having people constantly think that just because we’re not social butterflies who want to go out every night of the week means we don’t like them or something.

    Power to the introverts!! 😛

    • 🙂 Thank you so much for your comment! I remember reading articles all the time as a teenager about “how to be more outgoing” society definitely values extroversion over introversion and people can take it very personally, or worry about you, when you simply want some time to yourself. I think people are coming around…introverts are definitely getting better at accepting and embracing the way that they are. Introverts totally rock! 😉

  5. I have many of the same personality traits as you, Betty. I do NOT like unplanned visitors, especially the kind that are unplanned and stay for 4 or 5 hours! I’m going to try these tests out at home tonight. 🙂

    • Awesome! I don’t think there is anything wrong with being an introvert…or an extrovert. It’s all about acceptance and understanding of other people and ourselves. Let me know what you think of the test, and share your results if you want! I find psychology/personality theories so interesting!

  6. Kristine! I totally get this and do not function well in tight spaces with lots of noise. I seriously crawl out of my skin. I also adore text messaging vs. talking on the phone. I love talking on the phone with my mom, though. It’s definitely hard to explain how my brain works (haha), but I need time to think about what I want to say before I say it. Have a great night! XOXO!

    • Oh I hear you! I’ll start to get anxious then moody if stuck in a crowded/tight space for too long! And don’t even get me started on how my brain works! I haven’t figured that out either! 😉 Hope you’re doing well!!

  7. I’m ISFJ! I’m definitely introverted, probably 65/35 introvert/extrovert. Some people don’t believe me when I say I’m an introvert because I’m sociable, but it’s not about your friendliness, it’s about your need to recharge and whether or not people exhaust you.

    • Absolutely! I get the same thing from people who don’t believe I’m an introvert because I can be very sociable. I always tell them being an introvert doesn’t mean I’m shy…just that time long periods of time around people can be very tiring for me!

  8. Wow, nice! Thanks for sharing. I think I confuse most people. They always say I’m quiet, but then see me cutting up the dance floor, the karaoke stage, or in a movie or video, or see me entertaining a party and they are shocked. I like to say I’m conserving my energy until it’s time to let it loose.

  9. Interesting post! I took the test and I’m an INTJ. I’m the same as you in that I’m not shy, but I do need time out to re-group and can’t imagine accepting back to back social invitations as I’d just be too drained. I guess running appeals to us as it gives us alone time and the chance to be lost in our own thoughts.

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